Good Grooming
by treneka
Summary: It soothes the savage beast... Gaiden Fic. Warnings: silliness.


a/n: This is my brain on pina coladas. Any questions?

**Good Grooming**

There were times when heaven's duties could be heavy burdens indeed, Field Marshal Tenpou reflected. The morning's subjugation had been more difficult than expected, and now it was late afternoon. His troops were weary, his own back was sore, but as he and his attaché re-entered the palace gardens, he noticed Konzen standing beside a bed of crocus. Some duties were clearly more burdensome than others.

The blond kami was looking decidedly frazzled. His customary frown was deeper than usual and a pained aggravation flickered in his eyes. Perhaps most notable was the vast fatigue that radiated from the ordinarily sedentary figure. He looked on the verge of collapse.

Tenpou laughed. The cause of his old friend's exhaustion was easy enough to determine. In point of fact, the itan child was even now scampering around his wilting caretaker spouting lively chatter. The boy looked chipper, but his energy easily outstripped that of the older man. The Marshal arched an eyebrow at his general to see if Kenren had similarly interpreted the situation.

Kenren nodded. What others might misinterpret as telepathy, Tenpou took for granted as characteristic of a well trained attaché. The general brightened his face with a taunting smirk, and loped over to clap the small child on the back.

"Tag, Chibi. You're it!" The child's fractional second of surprise was enough to give his assailant a quite reasonable lead. Then Goku gave a happy cry of "Ken-nii-chaaaan!" and pelted after him, disappearing almost immediately into the surrounding forest of cherry blossoms.

"He seems to be enjoying himself," the Marshal commented cheerfully. Konzen only scowled more deeply, before turning to retreat into the shade of the palace eaves. The gesture seemed dismissive, but his friend followed him anyway and leaned casually against the wall beside the bench Konzen chose. "It's nice to see someone un-stifled by the tranquil surroundings." Tenpou did not bother to turn his pointed gaze in his friend's direction. They both knew it existed, and that was enough.

"He never stops moving." The blond kami's eyes scanned the forest for a moment, then closed. "He wakes up at the crack of dawn, and from then until midnight, he's just... omnipresent. Damn brat never leaves me alone."

"Well, children and animals do tend to bond strongly to the person who feeds them." The marshal removed his leather gloves one finger at a time before tucking them into the belt of his uniform and withdrawing a packet of cigarettes.

Konzen grunted derisively, and reopened his eyes at the soft click of the lighter.

"You know, food is one proven method of calming young ones," Tenpou offered.

"Like you'd know?" the kami quipped. Tenpou merely smiled, conceding the point. "Anyway, I don't want to spoil the brat and I don't think there's enough food in the palace to fill him up."

"Ah." Somewhere off in the forest, there was a muffled thud, and a cry of "Gotcha!" reached their ears. It was followed by the faint sound of giggling until presumably the chase resumed.

The marshal was privately amused by the speed with which his general had been caught, and wondered idly what the man might say to the suggestion that he increase the duration of his morning exercises. Most likely nothing good, which perversely made the kami that much more resolved to mention it. Glancing sideways at this other friend, Tenpou was surprised to see a look of what might almost be called happiness. Konzen was not smiling, of course, but his eyes had relaxed ever so slightly and the line of his lips was more straight than downward curving. The reaction begged a little exploration.

"They seem to be enjoying themselves," he probed, stubbing out the remnants of his cigarette on a boot heel, before dropping it carelessly into a pocket.

"Children and monkeys make good playmates." The scowl returned almost defensively to Konzen's face and his friend nodded, amused. Warm, sakura-scented breeze blew the sound of a shriek and more laughter across the two kami. For the barest of instants, the "almost happy" look returned to the blond, but when he saw Tenpou observe it, he hid it in a frown. The marshal noted this and tried a different tack.

"Have you thought of grooming?" Seeing Konzen's sharp look, he smiled placatingly and clarified. "I meant Goku." He began walking back toward his office.

Konzen hesitated for a moment, but then stood with the careless grace that even fatigue did nothing to diminish, and followed.

"Grooming?" he muttered, "Just getting him clean is a rodeo. The idiot won't even take a bath unless you force him." But the length of this speech said he was interested in whatever suggestions Tenpou might offer. The Marshal, for his part, kept quiet until they reached his office, going so far as to begin browsing the shelves while the scowling blond first stood beside, then leaned against the edge of his desk.

Tenpou took several more minutes to find the item he wanted. He tossed his uniform jacket on the floor in the corner, and tucked his find in a convenient belt loop, taking care not to reveal it to Konzen. He need not have worried. The violet eyes were perusing his office rather than its owner. Konzen waited more or less patiently, taking in the tidier state of books and papers which could only be General Kenren's doing. He stared for a long moment at the odd, frog-shaped ash tray, likely condemning it as whimsical – the same complaint he'd applied to the relic for almost seventy years – before turning to gaze out the window. At length, the wait became to much for him and the telltale twitch moved his eyebrow.

"Am I here for a reason, or are you just going to look at your boo-" But that was as far as he got. Then Tenpou caught him by the neck with his right hand as his left stole the golden clasp from his friend's long ponytail. "What the f-"

"Grooming," Tenpou interrupted, using his superior strength and knowledge of martial arts to pull his friend in front of him, "is an almost ubiquitous form of communication among primates." Dropping the hair clasp to the ground, he hopped onto his desk, ignoring the crumpled papers and dislodged books, and guiding Konzen with him. With a quick, but inescapable motion, he wrapped his legs around the still shocked kami, crossing ankles to hold him in place. Konzen struggled, but the marshal's right hand closed pointedly over his throat and he subsided.

"It is used as an overture of friendship," he murmured, teasingly, into his victim's ear; "to establish dominance," his left hand grabbed a fistful of the gleaming tresses, wrenching Konzen's head back to emphasize the point.

The blond kami glared, but didn't attempt to pull away, and Tenpou laughed, knowing that administrative hell was headed his way in the not too distant future. Even so, that was later. For now, he brought his lips within a breath of that ivory neck before deliberately placing one chaste but playful kiss. Then he let go before his friend could become truly upset. After all, jokes were not really the point of this lecture. "It is employed for hygiene," Taking Konzen's hair in a softer grip, he retrieved the hairbrush from his belt and stroked it with gentle firmness through the silken length, "and even to calm the young, distressed or injured," he finished, letting his voice soften and lose its teasing edge.

"I am not a monkey," Konzen growled, but it came out more softly than intended and the marshal continued brushing. Gradually, the stubborn victim relaxed, his breathing slowing unconsciously to match the rhythm of the strokes. Tenpou relaxed as well, releasing his knees' hold on his friend's waist and sliding back on the desk enough to leave a little room. This, Konzen accepted readily enough, half-sitting on the desk's edge as his eyelids grew heavy.

"You really shouldn't let him drain you like this," the observant marshal admonished. His friend only sighed in reply, and he set down the brush to run his fingers through the shining strands instead. "Although it is nice to see you've found such a devoted friend." Tenpou let a hint of affectionate mischief color his words and he felt Konzen stiffen for the inevitable retort. He tightened his grip on the hair to forestall it, and was rewarded with a snort.

"He's a hyperactive brat," Konzen insisted, albeit not as forcefully as he might have. The marshal clucked at him in mock disapproval and began to massage his scalp with skillful fingers. Within five minutes, the exhausted Kami's eyes had closed completely and his chin began to sink towards his chest.

"Poor Konzen: laid low by the attentions of a five-year-old," the smiling soldier murmured. Withdrawing his hands from the other's scalp, he shifted them both to a slightly more comfortable position to wait for the inevitable.

It only took ten minutes.

"Koooooonzeeeeeen!"

The sound of Goku's inquisitive wail was followed immediately by the rhythmic slap of bare feet running on bamboo floors, and heavier boots in pursuit.

Konzen was instantly awake, pushing away from Tenpou and the desk and assuming a casual and distant slouch by the window even as his ward flung open the office door.

"Konzen!" The cry became a joyful yell as golden eyes discovered their target and the boy all but leaped across the room to reach his favorite person. General Kenren arrived at the same time, raising an eyebrow at his superior's unusual seat. Said superior gave him an enigmatic smile and they turned to watch the others.

Goku struck a lightening-fast poke to his caretaker's midsection and crowed gleefully, "TAG! You're IT!"

"I'm not playing." The words had the predictable effect.

"But Konzeee-" Goku's protest was cut off by a barely-patient look.

"Anyway, it's almost bedtime." The kami motioned to the gardens beyond the window, tinted now in the gold and violet of heavenly sunset.

"But it can't be bedtime! Ken-nii-chan only caught me once and Ten-chan just got here and I haven't had dinner yet and--" he made the mistake of reaching for his caretaker's sleeve and was rewarded with a resounding smack.

"You ate an hour ago, and you'll see these two tomorrow," Konzen stated coldly, giving the undaunted boy a purposeful shove toward the door.

"Promise?" The golden eyes turned to Kenren, who shrugged, and then Tenpou, who gave him a more reassuring nod.

"If you mind your manners and allow Konzen to get some sleep tonight, perhaps tomorrow I will give you another reading lesson." They boy's eyes brightened considerably, and he grabbed his caretaker by the hand to hasten them towards the door. Kenren almost laughed at Konzen's irritation, but hid it at a glance from his superior.

"Good Night, Ken-nii-chan! Good night, Ten-chan! Say, Konzen, if I got really good at reading, could I read papers with you at your desk? We'd get it done a lot faster and then you'd have more time to play and..."

Konzen gave a long suffering sigh, but followed the boy from the office. At the doorway, the marshal pressed the brush into his free hand.

"It's worth a try," he smiled. Konzen glared at him, but took the brush and the two disappeared from the room.

-----

The next morning, Tenpou and Kenren were sharing breakfast in the Marshal's office when Goku came bouncing through the door. The itan child was nearly sparkling with energy, so it took the room's occupants a moment to realize what was different about him. His hair, usually the flying punctuation to his presence, had been bound into a neat queue and fastened with a rather familiar knot of golden thread. Tenpou smiled inwardly before returning his attention to the child's face. The boy clearly had something on the tip of his tongue, but the sight of tea and buns emptied his mind of it. Kenren smirked and poured another cup.

"Morning kid. Escaped your mom already, huh?" Goku's eyes clouded with confusion but Tenpou deftly distracted him with a bun.

"Did you sleep well, Goku?" the marshal asked politely. The boy nodded, smiling around his full mouth. He swallowed quickly.

"Yup, and I even let Konzen sleep in and didn't wake him up and you said you'd show me how to read another book if I did that and I did, so will you?" Hiss face was the picture of earnest eagerness.

"Very well, Goku," Tenpou agreed, handing the child another bun and choosing a book from the shelves. He dismissed his general with a slight tilt of the head, knowing Kenren would understand enough to make a quick check on their mutual acquaintance.

Kenren returned an hour later with a shrug, which Tenpou understood to mean that Konzen had not been in his office. The general started a round of emptying the ash tray and wastebaskets, followed by some diligent dusting. Goku pored happily over the book the marshal had selected, only occasionally looking up to ask for assistance, while the self-appointed teacher read a book of his own. It was almost half past noon when a quiet footfall ended the reading session.

"Konzen!" exclaimed the itan child, gleefully. "Wow, you slept late. I almost finished learning how to read this whole book, didn't I Ten-chan?" Tenpou nodded and patted his student's hand, but he had eyes only for Konzen.

"I see you, ah, explored my suggestion," he offered, his legendary control strained to near breaking in an attempt to resist laughing outright. On the other side of the office, Kenren was making no such effort. Tenpou watched the laughter raise the blond kami's blood pressure and boldly asked the inevitable: "Did you sleep well?"

Konzen's glare was framed by dozens of tiny blond braids, all of varying thickness, spaced haphazardly around his face. Each braid had been carefully bound with a knot of white thread and the entire arrangement was accented here and there with wilted flowers. His scowl deepened at Tenpou's obvious fascination.

"Fine," he answered. "Just figured I'd better find a certain brat before he got into more trouble." Tenpou nodded his belief in the plausibility of that explanation, while smiling. Kenren snickered.

"Bit late for that, huh?" The general had no fear of paperwork at all. Konzen ignored him.

"Come on, Goku. Time for lunch," he growled, daring the marshal and general to make any further comments. His eyes promised death, but at least they did so with a vigor quite unlike the previous day's exhaustion.

"Yippee!" yelled Goku, before he noticed the currents of interest and tension in the room. "Oh, Ten-chan, do you like Konzen's hair? It's called 'grooming.' I learned how to do it last night." He held out his own braid by way of explanation, smiling with pride.

The well schooled tactician considered answering, but then thought better of it. His... interestingly coiffured friend gave him one long mention-this-to-anyone-and-I-kill-you stare, then grabbed his ward's braid and tugged.

"Do you want to talk, or do you want to eat?" the blond kami asked.

Golden eyes went round and shining, and Goku began an eager inquiry as to the nature of today's lunch. Unobtrusively, his caretaker handed a certain item back to the marshal before guiding the boy, still chattering, out the door.

"Grooming, huh?" Kenren leaned over Tenpou's shoulder to get a better look at the hairbrush. The marshal smiled.

"I'm afraid your hair is a little too short to be of much use by Goku's definition." His smile deepened as a sword calloused hand took the brush from him.

"Yours isn't," the general murmured. "And god knows _someone_ ought to brush it once in a while..."

"Ah," the marshal smiled, and then, "perhaps you're right."

-ende-


End file.
